hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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