Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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