I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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