A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
