She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
