I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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