omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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