i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
