Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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