Umm I'm too high to move.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
