The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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