I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
