Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
