yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We have started to decorate penises.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
