my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
