the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
