He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
