Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
