all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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