my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
