he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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