Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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