I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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