My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, beer. Big fan.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
