O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
