I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
