I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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