First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
