You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
