Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
