It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I currently don't understand fingers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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