it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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