A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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