hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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