what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
