So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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