The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
