There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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