you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
