new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
