Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
