My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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