i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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