i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
