I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
high people should be assigned attendants
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
