Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
