who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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