3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Never underestimate the power of titties
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
