I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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