1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
